Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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