why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize