End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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