I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
