is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
