we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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