I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
