Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
