ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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