When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
