he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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