I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
