i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
