The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
