He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
