I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
