....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
