It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
COCAINE IS GR8
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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