Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
