remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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