She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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