Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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