so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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