talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
