Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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