I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
