Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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