If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize