Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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