Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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