He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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