Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
