Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
