What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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