i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
