No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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