I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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