Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
