You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
