omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
