I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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