I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
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