"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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