omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He better not be in your backpack
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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