I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
