she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
