her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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