I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
