I'm so fucking centered right now
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
