i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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