I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
