is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
