he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
