i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
