i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize