he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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