First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
