i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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