He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
