dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There r osticjed everywhere
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
