Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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