John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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