just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
