Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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