Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish you could order shots online.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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