i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
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