I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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