laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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