What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
