i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
