I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
