Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you traded sex for a burrito?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
