I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
