Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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