Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
